We've argued. Now what? š¬
Conflict: understand, empathise, consider, resolve and reflect
Disagreement, tension, conflict. We all hate them. But difficult conversations are everywhere. In spaces where a lot of creative people come together, conflict is unavoidable. Opinions run high, sometimes ego or job titles get in the way and other times we just get very passionate about our point of view. That doesnāt mean it has to be difficult to handle them. A mindset shift can take you a long way.
The first step is always going to be understanding. What are the people involved thinking and feeling (but not necessarily saying to each other)?
Take a step back to understand and empathise
š¤ What happened?
Whatās your point of view? Whatās their point of view? Usually our point of view is moulded by our past experiences, rules we abide to, or our cultural background. You might think you know the other personās point of view but consider how you reacted, and that their point of view might be entirely different to yours.
š¤ What are you feeling?
Explore your feelings first and try to identify why you are experiencing them. Then try to think back to the conversation and identify the feelings of the other person.Ā
š«¤ How is your identity affecting the situation?
Sometimes the perception we have of our own identity is not aligned to what other people experience. Is your identityārole, job title or statusāgetting in the way of the conversation?
Pause to consider
š Letās take a second to consider the next step. Before you go further, try to figure out if you are trying to convert the other person to your point of view, are hoping to find a collective solution or would rather let it go.
Sometimes, it might not be worth having a debate, and all you need to do is admit youāve been wrong, find the person and apologise. Itās worth having a conversation though if you have a purpose in mind. You can go forward if you are trying to find a collective solution that works for both parties or are keen to talk things through to clarify the situation.
Go in to resolve
š Donāt forget to breathe throughout. Take a step back and look at the full picture. This is not about your point of view but the overall situation. You should be able to empathise with the other person, put yourself in their shoes and try to imagine how they must have experienced the situation. Ask them what it was like for them. Try to understand what they felt like and why they reacted the way they did.
š Sit down on the same side of the table. Metaphorically and physically. Try to actively listen and understand where they are coming from. Together you can unravel how you got to the situation. Donāt try to put blame, but rather share it. In order for conflict to exist in the first place, you have to understand that itās more likely you are both to blame. A lot of times, it all rises from our lack of understanding of the other personās view point.
š¤ Try to figure out a solution together. Itās the same as creative problem solving, where you sit down and look at opportunities, try to invent solutions and propose resolutions.Ā
Sit back and reflect
š¬ Difficult situations are unavoidable. But you can practise and get better at handling them. Sit down and reflect. There are always takeaways you can learn from. Perhaps it was the way you reacted, or the way you phrased something that started it all. Try to identify if you could have avoided the situation and how. Most times, it all started from a misunderstanding. A lot of difficult situations are based on miscommunication. And the real resolutions come from a place of unbiased empathy and understanding.Ā
I hope this was helpful. And I hope that youāve learned something you can apply going forward. I strongly believe that if someone as hot headed as myself can learn to breathe, take a step back and reflect, anyone can.Ā
We are human, which means we canāt avoid making mistakes. So donāt try to be perfect or right all the timeāwouldnāt that be exhausting? Go ahead and make mistakes. Whatās important is learning from them.
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